Just a simple guy flying somewhere away Who will follow me?
weibin_85@hotmail.com
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
The Promise Breaker Hi to all friends,
I remember promising most of you guys a treat after you know, if I ever get into medical school. Well, let me lay it down plainly, I'm about to break that promise. I'm can't anymore, I really can't, can't within the next few months. I'll explain.
Mum reminded me that I wasn't some 'fu4 jia1 zi3 di4' yesterday after I told my parents of my intended big shopping spree, inclusive of that laptop and digital camera. Dad said I could bring the current digital camera that we are using over there. Frankly, I wasn't too pleased with their ideas. I have a reason to celebrate, I want something to congratulate myself on getting that coveted place in medical school. Mostly, Mum questioned most of the things that were on my shopping list - 'Don't you already have this?'; 'You sure this is necessary?'. Oh well, flare up and make a big fuss I didn't; in fact, I'm proud to say that I accepted their suggestions. You know, things like bringing along this old bulky digital camera and 'taking stock' of all the clothes that I already have and see what's really missing. But deep inside, it all just doesn't add up! - not only am I going to a Uni not of my first choice, I guess I'm not about to embark on some grab-all-you-can shopping spree anytime soon. My heart sinks.
I'm a selfish crab. Believe me, I am one.
I do serious reflection everytime I get a lecture from my parents. And yeah, as much as I gathered, I am a selfish crab.
It works up to a total of at least SGD 300K for me to go to UNSW to pursue medicine. Words hanging on my mouth question if my parents are really able to provide for me and if things will go fine for them. But frankly deep inside, I don't feel a stinch. Not the tiniest stinch. The money is not mine. I wasn't the one who worked so hard for years and years just to save up. I wasn't the one who gave up the chance of owning a proper car just so I could provide for my son. I'm not the one who saves whatever is best for my children and than anything goes for me.
I know I should feel something, you know, like, you gotta limit your spendings dude. But all along my mind had been fixed. I want to get into med school, go for that shopping spree, fly away, a new life in Uni, enjoy life there, come back as a doctor, hopefully success and all honours to me. Whatever happens within this 7 years doesn't bother me!
But I want to make my parents proud, I really want to. I really really want to give them a good life. I always feel that I owe them something. Maybe it is because Dad always decline any food that I want to share with him (so that I can have all of it), or maybe it's because I always see my parents eat the normal parts of the chilli crab while they leave the juciest part for me. Maybe it's because of the way I see them work their butts off while all I have to do is to sit back, relax and enjoy the fruits of their labour, like the many countries I've been to - Taiwan, Thailand, Malaysia, Korea, China, Australia, New Zealand, Turkey, America and upcoming, Langkawi. We didn't win those tickets.
But I have tried! I tried. I try to save as much as I can too! I try to find tuition kids to earn some extra cash. Sometimes I skip meals because I know when I go out with my friends I'd need to spend. I don't like to be the one who says that I don't want to go to this restaurant or that karaoke place and be everybody's cold bucket. On normal days I try to limit the amount I spend so that I can save up just that little more. And there I have! All the tests, the application fees, the medical checkups, my driving classes, the initial UNSW deposit, the overseas student health insurance - I paid them all. Hundreds and hundreds, thousands and thousands I forked out from my own savings. It makes me feel sad, whether it's all worth it, when I see my own life savings depleting like this. But I know. I'm glad. I'm satisfied with the way I've spent. At least I hadn't touched my parents savings even before I go over to Aust. Because I know. I know when I go over there, they will be the ones, the ones who have to deal with the financial state.
That is why, my friends, don't judge me from the house that I live in. My family ain't that really well to do as it seems. Even if so it wouldn't be my particular family within. There's still many financial issues that I've yet to figure out myself within. Within a family business that's doing well but leaves me questioning the exact people who are benefitting from it all. Ah, family politics, I don't have time to deal with those now. I'm sorry I even drag you into this. Pardon me.
Back to where I began. I am now preparing to embark on a journey. A journey of a lifetime, and I am going to UNSW to study medicine. I am going there to learn the traits of being a doctor, art of a healer. And for that, I am going to study really hard. I will enjoy my time there, but ultimately, I will keep to my values (No smoking, no drugs, no premarital sex, blah blah you should know if you know me. Haha. And clubbin' you say? They're really fun sometimes but lets just keep them to innocent ones right?) and I will always remember the reasons why I want to study medicine in the first place. There will be patients to treat and lives to touch.
So friend, I'm really sorry about the treat. But that ain't mean we shouldn't meet up! Unless of course you decide that it isn't worth your time to meet me without this treat (Then I will knock your head and kick your ass). So, there will be alterations to my shopping list (shopping is still on man! There are still things which I think are really necessary!) and for the treat, I really hope you who are reading this will accept my apology. We'll wait for 7 years down the road, when I return. What say ya pal?
